Thursday, January 15, 2009

Learning- slowly

These first few months of marriage have been, well... beautiful, something rare and precious, a true gift from God. But I would be lying to say they have been all marital bliss. You know how people say having children is like a mirror which reflects the best and worst of you? Well that's what marriage has been for me. Sometimes its horrifically shocking to really really see yourself, in that recent photo or the three way mirror in the poorly lit dressing room, for instance, and think "Oh NO! Is THAT how I really look?" Really seeing some of my sins, things I was honestly unaware of before, truly devastated me, even to the point of despair at ever improving. Thankfully at the brink of this despair I was reminded of how strong and faithful God is and to believe in his power to truly transform hearts and lives, even mine.


I'm beginning to think that life is often learned in cycles. I wanted a family from the time I was four, when my sister was born, I felt it was my calling. When I found myself unable to fulfill that goal I was lost and confused. I learned a lot from being single, things I may not have learned any other way. I'm fulling convinced God took me down that path because it was best for me eternally. Towards the end of my single time I started to get comfortable with my situation and my spiritual life. Marriage has changed my perspective, shattered that little glass house, and helped me to see myself better. I tremble to think what having children will reveal about my true character!

I've been reading Moses' story today, and I think I must have experienced something similar to his life. Raised in a family of great faith (his biological family) believing he was positioned to work for God (Acts 7:25) he took action, only to find that he needed a (long) period of humility and service to be prepared for that calling. Yet when God deems him ready for that work Moses would rather argue with his miraculous burning bush than go! Maybe Moses also got too comfortable and self satisfied in his period of training.

"Every assignment is measured and controlled for my eternal good." ~Elizabeth Elliot
"The LORD spoke to Manasseh and his people, but they paid no attention. So the LORD brought against them the army commanders of the king of Assyria, who took Manasseh prisoner, put a hook in his nose, bound him with bronze shackles and took him to Babylon. In his distress he sought the favor of the LORD his God and humbled himself greatly before the God of his fathers. And when he prayed to him, the LORD was moved by his entreaty and listened to his plea; so he brought him back to Jerusalem and to his kingdom. Then Manasseh knew that the LORD is God"

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